Jaguar X-type (2001–08)
Bad cars come and go, but flops are forever.
For a brief—and I do mean brief—period of time in the early part
of this decade, this scribe worked at a Jaguar dealership as a parts
guy. Most of my time was spent learning the million and one ways that an
X-type could fall apart. Engines seized, interiors collapsed,
transmissions exploded, and driveshafts—oh, the countless, countless
driveshafts—ate their U-joints so regularly that you could set your
watch by them. At a time when Jaguar reliability was finally approaching
respectable, the all-wheel-drive X-type was the lone, laughable
holdout. It was obnoxiously underbuilt, remarkably overpriced, and about
as charming as a hernia.
The X-type was Coventry’s business-case company saver, an entry-level
sports sedan for the wooden-drawing-room set. It was built on the bones
of Jaguar parent Ford’s Mondeo/Contour,
and it was intended to resurrect Coventry’s financial fortunes,
providing the dignified marque with a way to snag young, affluent
buyers. What the bean counters neglected to consider, however, was that
young, affluent buyers are not lobotomy patients. A tarted-up economy
sedan sold at luxury-car prices is still just a tarted-up economy sedan,
especially if it tries to self-immolate every time you turn the key.
There was also an impossibly unpopular wagon version. The dealer that I worked for had one that sat on the lot for—I am not making this up—two years.
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